NOT goodbye. See you later.

On the last day of school, I wanted to say something to all the kids, give them a little goodbye speech. I decided to write it out in advance, to make sure that I included everything I wanted to include; you get in the moment and you forget stuff and then after it sucks that you left out something important....so this is what I wrote:

Here’s the thing. I’m not good at goodbyes. I don’t like to lose people that I’m close to, people that I love, and so I don’t like to say goodbye.

So here’s what you need to know. First, this is not goodbye. This is….see you later. Because you’ll come back and visit next year, and you’ll contact me this summer about your summer literacy challenge or just to say hi, and you’ll keep in touch, and it’s not goodbye.

I have loved every minute of being your teacher. You are all so amazing – smart, kind, funny, creative, brave, silly, sweet – awesome. I am so glad I came to 8th grade this year so that I got to have this experience with you all. It has been my privilege to get to spend a few months, or a year, or two years with some of you, as your teacher.

I’m sure I have learned as much from you all as you have from me; maybe more in some cases. I wish I could be your teacher forever, that I could go with you to high school and just keep learning and growing together. But I can’t (which I’m sure some of you are really glad about), and that’s why you’re going to come visit.

As you go into your summers and you celebrate finishing 8th grade and starting high school, as you spend time with your friends and your families, as you have fun and sleep and play games and read and write and live….remember to be happy. Remember that you shine, that when I look into this room I see the glow that comes from deep within every one of you. Remember that you can change the world, and that you can be the people that I teach my future students about.

In Freedom Writers, when Miep Gies comes and talks to the students, one student gets up and says that she’s his hero. And she says that they are the real heroes and their faces are engraved on her heart. You are all heroes to me. You all do things that are heroic every day, whether big or small. You are heroes. And your faces are engraved on my heart.

I cried when I read it, each class. Each class, at least a few people cried too. (Over a third of my first period was openly weeping by the end. LOVE the power of language.) Each class, after I finished, the class had a brief moment of complete silence....and then each class, everyone started clapping. Each class, as they filed out, every single kid came and hugged me - even my homie who didn't like my class. Maybe the speech helped him realize that I'd meant all of it, everything I'd said to him this year, everything I'd tried to do to help him; maybe he was finally able to let go of whatever was going on with him enough to be in the moment more clearly....or maybe he just didn't want to be the one kid who didn't hug me when all his friends were. :)

Actually, one kid did not hug me, just waved, but that's of course totally fine; he and I got along okay but we certainly weren't close. And on that last day of school, we were hugging up a storm everywhere: during the awards assembly, in classes, in the post-class celebration....a lot of people got their 12 hugs a day for growth (and then some) that day.

Before I read the speech for the first time, I felt a little weird. Would they think it was lame? Would they be like, dude, don't be pathetic? And some of them probably did feel that way - but I don't care. I'm an emotional person and I wanted them to know how much I care about them and how much I have enjoyed being their teacher. I wanted to end the year with that. Some of these kids were there on my very first day of being a teacher ever; I wanted to close out their middle school career with....well, with joy.

They promised to come visit. They better keep that promise.

(Image credit to megarooo)

Beginning of the end.

The tears started for me on Friday, when I had kids do my end-of-year evaluation. This one was more extensive than my trimester ones:

In this class, I feel I learned: a lot some a little

I tried my best in this class: all of the time a lot of the time some of the time

The pace of the class was: just right too fast too slow

Ms. Teachin’ is patient: all of the time a lot of the time some of the time

Ms. Teachin’ is concerned about me and my life. Yes No

I liked this class. Yes No

The following were the three most important things that helped me as a reader this year (pick 3):

_Booktalks

_Classroom library

_Conversations with classmates

_Independent reading time in class

_Personalized book recommendations

_Public library

_Readaloud

_School librarian/library

_Teacher who reads

_Other _______________

Any comments?

The following were the three most important things that helped me as a writer this year (pick 3):

_Class magazines

_Creative choice

_Mentor texts

_MyAccess

_Portfolios

_Self-assessing/reflections

_Sharing work in class

_Teacher who writes

_Using technology

_Writing in a variety of genres

_Other ___________________

Any comments?

One thing I enjoyed was...because...

One thing I didn't enjoy was...because...

I wish we could have...

I did a good job with….

I could have done better with

Ms. Teachin’ did a good job with...

Ms. Teachin’ could have done better with...

I feel Ms. Teachin’ cares about me as a person and a student when...

I feel Ms. Teachin’ does NOT care about me as a person and a student

when...

(Optional) Anything else to add?

Only one kid said that he had not liked my class, and that was okay; he struggled a lot personally the second half of the year, and he just did not like my touchy-feely style. He didn't like any class, though, so I don't take it TOO personally. And the evaluations were helpful - I need to work on my patience, as most kids said I was patient "a lot of the time," but I also got some "some of the time"s. Which is probably true, so that gives me a goal for next year. I still have to go through and really analyze all of it, especially what kids said was most helpful in their reading and writing growth, but that gives me something to do this summer :)

But why I cried.....two kids wrote things in the "Anything else to add?" section that just made me lose it. One was the Antagonizer (who I struggled with all year - we had our ups and downs every week, sometimes every day, but overall he did better for me than in most of his classes). He wrote that he was sorry if it ever seemed like he was mad at me, that when he was mad, it wasn't at me, it was that he was mad at himself for his behavior. Not only is that a crazy good insight to have about yourself, but it was so nice that he apologized for some of those difficulties.

And the other one....oh my. This was a student that I had in 6th grade too, and we always got along well, but I never thought that she particularly loved me - she's just not one of those effusive kids. But what she wrote....

She said, "I have loved my 8th grade year in Ms. Teachin's class. She is always here for us, her students, and we always know we can go to her with any problems. I wish I could have Ms. Teachin' as a teacher every year."

I wish I could have Ms. Teachin' as a teacher every year.

The tears just came when I read that, because.....I mean, seriously, how nice is that? You see why I love this group of kids? They say awesome stuff like that!

Between that and the kid who'd said that I'd made Language Arts her favorite subject when she'd never liked it before, I can't imagine better compliments.

(Photo credit to jenny downing)

A better person.

One of the things I enjoy about teaching is that it makes me a better person. Not inherently - I'm not saying that teachers are better people than most (though some of us are...no, no, I kid, I kid. Sort of). No, I mean that I become a better person because I'm trying to be a good model for my students.

Some days I just don't want to get out of bed and go to school. But I do, because that's the responsible choice (and because sub plans are more trouble than they're worth, but that's beside the point).

I NEVER want to sit down and grade papers; I can always think of something else I'd rather be doing. But I do it because I've promised the students (explicitly and implicitly) that I will; if they've put in the work, I need to put in the work.

And today I went running for the first time since college (when I ran a grand total of twice before giving up and going back to the stationary bike). I've been talking about considering trying to start jogging off and on for a few years, but never have quite managed it, mainly because I freakin' HATE it. But I think it would be good for me, and I don't get much exercise during the school year because my gym is too far away and I'm too tired in the evenings, and so running seems like it would be a good solution, particularly as the weather's getting nicer. My husband runs, a ton of my friends run, I live half a mile from the nicest park in my town, it'd be good for my dogs....I have lots of reasons to take it up. But I never have.

Today I went because on Friday, two of my favorite students asked me if I'd do a 10K with them at the end of the year. I hemmed and hawed and said that I hated running, and they cajoled and pleaded, and in the end I said I'd think about it. And they cheered, and I thought, "I really have to do this now." They tipped the scale towards trying instead of just continuing to make excuses.

So now I have to keep trying.

I will certainly not be running a 10K in two months. But I'm doing the Couch to 5K plan, and if I can run half of it and then walk the rest, I'll feel damn good about myself. And the girls who asked me to join plan to run only part too, so I won't be letting them down. Week 1, Day 1 is down and the race is 8 weeks out, so I'll have time to get through almost all of the schedule.

I'll keep you all posted - but because I now feel answerable to my students, I'm going to have to keep it up.

See? A better person. Or at least one whose legs hurt more than usual. It's probably kind of the same thing.

It's not just the student relationships that matter...

I just left the following as a comment to a high school teacher's post about disillusionment, and I thought it was worth reposting.

I think one of the most important factors in me enjoying my job and feeling successful at it has been other teachers. Having other adults to talk to about my kids, my content, my lessons has been crucial to ensuring my success. And those adults have included my mentor, my department chair (though I always have to seek her out - she doesn't come find me), and other Language Arts teachers (both in and out of my grade level), but also just other teachers in general. A math teacher, two social studies teachers, a science teacher, an ESL teacher, a special ed teacher, an art teacher, and a PE teacher are members of my go-to group when I want to talk about....well, anything. An individual kid, an entire class, an issue with administration, a conflict between students - whatever it is, I can find someone to talk to. And that has helped tremendously.

Now, I'm at a middle school, and that's one of the biggest differences, I think, that I have more built-in grade-level and departmental structure, but several of these people I've just gotten to know on my own through Friday afternoon drinks or sitting in new groups at faculty meetings.

I think the longer you're at a school, the easier it is to build those support networks, but reaching out to others can only be helpful. It takes time and effort, but it's worth it if it makes your job more enjoyable and thus easier.

(Image credit to hotrodhomepage - though I never share milkshakes with my colleagues. Maybe we should start!)

End of the term

Friday we finished our first trimester of school. Grades are generally good - I give out frequent progress reports and point out to students how missing work is hurting their grades. In addition, every student with a D or an F called home last Tuesday to let their parents know. The conversations generally went like this:

Me: Okay, call your mom/dad/grandma/brother/whoever.

Kid: ...Really?

Me: Yep. I told you this was going to happen.

Kid: Yeah but ----

Me: No buts. Dial.

Kid (apprehensive look; dials phone): Hi Mom/Dad/Grandma/Brother/Whoever.....no, I'm not in trouble, my teacher made me call to tell you that I have a D/F/7% [a very special snowflake] in Language Arts and that's going to be my trimester grade unless I hand in Missing Major Assignment/take Missing Quiz by Friday......I know......I KNOW......but --- .......yeah, but --- ......I KNOW, OKAY????? I'M GOING TO GET IT DONE!!!!!!

They'd hang up, shaking their heads at just how freakin' irritating their parents were (imagine the nerve! Wanting your child to succeed academically! What is WRONG with parents today?!?) and I'd ask if they'd be getting the work in. Yes, they'd say, I have to now. I'd smile sweetly and call the next little slacker over.

Sometimes the parents would ask to talk to me, and I'd reiterate the message and say that I just wanted them to be aware of the situation. They all thanked me for the call. All but three of the students completed the missing work by Friday, taking their grades up at least a letter grade, if not two.

That's the beauty of finishing the damn work, especially when you'd already done all of the work that led up to the publication. If you've done the mentor text analysis, the prewriting, and the drafting, and you've started the revising and just need to finish that and publish....why the hell wouldn't you? Nice that I could convince most of them to see it my way.

Tomorrow we'll be doing some binder organization (oh, our binders are disasters of epic proportions.....papers shoved in every which way, and I have a suspicion some aren't even for my class), and then a review of the class thus far. I do this at the end of every trimester (though I'm expanding this version). What have they learned, still find challenging, liked, disliked, wish we could have done. All stuff I want to know; it will help me plan for the future (both the rest of this year and next).

But then there are some other questions too, about me and how I'm doing. And that.....that I'm nervous about.

Because what if they think I suck? What if they think I'm a huge asshole, or incompetent, or any number of bad things? I'm still gonna ask because I still wanna know, but it could (likely will) make for a humbling and discouraging day. Either way, it'll probably be good for me.

(Image credit to coxy)

My mad problem solving skillz (I hope)

As I mentioned yesterday, I'm having to deal with behavior that's not changing because I haven't figured out the root of the problem yet.

I have this kid in my eighth period - the Antagonizer. I wrote briefly about him a while back when he tried to start a fight two different times on his first day at school. His first freakin' day! On his third day, our school resource officer took him to a local youth detention facility. It's not precisely juvie, it's sort of part intervention and part deterrent, and he's on a contract with them now. Which theoretically SHOULD be helping. And yet.

The Antagonizer is low, academically. Very low. But he's also a cool kid, and he doesn't want his friends to know that he struggles as much as he does. So rather than admit he needs help, he plays the class clown. Sings, makes noises, talks, tells jokes, asks to go to the bathroom or to get water...does anything and everything to keep from working.

He and I have a good relationship. I know that. He's told other teachers that I'm his favorite teacher, and he called me three times after school on Friday to give me updates on time and location for a football game of his that I went to today (and had he not called, I would never have found the game, so I really appreciated that). (Interestingly, his team was playing RB's team - but now they get along, so no more obnoxious posturing, which is nice.)

And that's part of why I'm finding this so frustrating. I'm not used to having a good relationship with a kid and having them STILL undermine my class at every opportunity. My connections with kids are my greatest strength (I think), and that normally pays off. And maybe it's paying off a BIT with the Antagonizer as he's not quite as incredibly obnoxious as he was a few weeks ago, but he still will not sit down and attempt to do his work.

I've spent a looooooooot of time thinking about why over the last few days, and I have a number of theories. First, his spelling is atrocious, and he knows it, and it really stresses him out. He freezes and refuses to do anything when he doesn't know how to spell a word. He also struggles with processing and has a hard time coming up with anything to write about. In addition, he's a very athletic kid and I have him right after gym (in a class that's a bit of a disaster [we keep hearing that 7th period gym is totally out of control]), and he's all wound up when he gets to me.

So three possible roots. And now my possible solutions.

For the spelling, I've emphasized time and again that spelling isn't being graded, but I'm thinking he needs a personal Quick Word Dictionary for his common errors AND that perhaps if he circles the words he doesn't think are spelled right, then I can spend a minute or two with him after he's done some writing and can help him correct those.

For the processing, I think he's an oral processor, or at least he sure does loooooooove to talk. So I'm thinking we'll try having him talk through his ideas verbally before he tries to get them down on paper. I'll have him do it with me for his quick writes, and maybe have him choose a partner for other writing.

And for the being ridiculously hyper....that one I'm not as sure about. The school's making some changes to that gym class at trimester, which may help. I'm also thinking we'll try coming up with some sort of signal that he can use to let me know he needs a brief break and I can let him go out to the hall for a minute to work off some energy as long as he comes back in and gets right back to work.

I sat with the Antagonizer's dad at the game today and ran through my theories with him - Dad agreed on all counts, so I feel like I'm on the right track. I'm not sure if my solutions will actually solve anything, but they're worth a try, yes? Because in the end, it's on me if my class is out of control.

(Photo credit to The Truth About.....)

Changing the class dynamic: who knew?

Our attendance is atrocious this year. It's always terrible, but it's especially bad right now - I assume it's the swine flu thing? Whether kids actually have it or are just taking advantage of the possibility and faking symptoms to stay home, I don't know, but it's ridiculous.

One class, though, benefited today from the absences. Period 8. For whatever reason, having three kids out today meant that the rest of the class....I don't know. Just kinda...got their shit together. They got started on work - not as quickly as they should, but still. They didn't talk over each other and me. They paid attention and took notes and responded to my questions. It was rockin'.

Last week in there, we made a list of appropriate classroom behaviors, and every day, they're self-assessing on each to determine how well they're doing with them. Today, most kids gave themselves full points. And I agreed.

It was delightful.

(Photo credit to kevindooley. Dude, how CUTE is that kid? Ridiculous.)

Celebrate Good Times, Come On: Celebrations in the Classroom

I've spent the last two weekends at weddings, celebrating with friends and family from near and far. It's been fabulous, though exhausting (last weekend was in Vermont, this one is in California wine country) . My feet hurt from dancing and my eyes are heavy with lack of sleep from laughing and talking late into the night. I've spent time with friends I haven't seen in years and with those I just met two days ago. Flowers, wine, music, love. Wonderful.

It's made me realize that we need celebrations in our lives. Or, specifically, that I need to work more celebrations into my classroom. Weddings are an insane amount of work for the people throwing them, but the work is worth it for the sense of community and hope that come out of them. Same thing with classroom celebrations, I think. I need to do a better job of acknowledging kids who go above and beyond, as well as everyone who does what they're supposed to do. My grade level is hopefully going to piloting a way to do some of that, but I can do it my room too.

What does that look like? I'm not 100% sure. I've got a few ideas so far, like doing publication nights periodically where kids could present their work to audiences of family and friends, or having students of the week for each period. That might be a lot to keep up with, but I'm betting I could keep it fairly simple, and I'm hoping it would be meaningful for the kids.

What do you think? Any other ideas for ways and things to celebrate in an eighth grade Language Arts classroom?

Anger in the Classroom

Yesterday I talked about four instructional goals. I have one other main goal this year, and frankly, it’s my number one goal – it’s not instructional per se, but it absolutely affects instruction, because it affects the classroom environment.

Anger.

I have a temper, and I just...get mad quickly. My biggest pet peeve is kids talking when they aren’t supposed to, whether that’s when I’m talking or when they’re supposed to be working, or (worst of all!) when another student is talking. It drives me up the wall, because it comes across as so incredibly disrespectful, and it’s such a waste of time, and we have so little time as it is, really. And then I get angry, and then I yell, and then no one is happy.

It’s not good. I know this. It’s a huge problem, honestly, and I’m deeply ashamed of it (I’m ashamed enough that I really don’t want to be writing this post, but again, pushing past my comfort zone). Because really, who likes to be yelled at? No one. I sure don’t. It sucks. So how can I justify behaving like that to my kids?

At the end of the year, I did a little student survey – what they’d liked, what they hadn’t, what they and I had done well at, what they and I could have done better with. Answers varied in most categories, but one…one was consistent. What I could do better was yell less*. Almost half my kids wrote a variation on that theme.

I read those, and it made me sad, and embarrassed, and angry with myself for letting that happen. And I resolved to do better next year. Now I’m hoping that posting this here will also help me change – public accountability and all that. I’m not sure just how to manage it yet, but I’m hoping just being aware of the issue will make me notice it more when I start, and that will remind me to stop. I have one other thing I’m going to try that I hope will help, but I’ll post about that another time.

Here’s what I’m going to do. Once a month, let’s say on the first Monday of each month (I will put it in my Google calendar to remind me), I will post about how I’m doing with the yelling. That will keep me focused on it. Plus, you know, public shaming if I’m not doing well, but public congratulations if I am! Of course, if you all think this is the worst idea ever (the posting about it part, not the reduction in yelling part), then I’m sure I could be convinced to do that differently. But I think it might help.

So stay tuned for the first Monday in September (two months from now, just about), and find out how I’m doing with it after my first few weeks with the eighth graders.

*They wrote that, or to do nothing differently – many of my little charmers wrote things like, “Nothing because you are the best teacher ever!!!!!!” Suck ups. And these were anonymous, so they didn’t even need to. :)

(Awesome Anger Bot image credit to StickBus)

Getting better all the time (I hope)

Mostly on here I tell stories about successes or moments with kids. They’re more fun to write about and, I assume, more fun to read. (Though maybe not? No idea.) And some moments with students are either so ridiculous or so heartbreaking that I can’t not write about them.

But I don’t do a lot of reflection about ways in which I could improve – actually, scratch that. I reflect on that all.the.freaking.time, I just don’t write about it here much. I think it would probably be good for me, though. Put it out there, own it publicly, admit my mistakes, try to figure out how to get better. So I’m going to try to do that. I’m scared about this, because it’s outside of my comfort zone, but I ask kids to push past their comfort zones all the time so probably I better do it too.

Instructionally, I am not good enough at teaching grammar and conventions. I know they should be done in context, I know they’re super important, but it’s not what I’m as comfortable with or as interested in so it hasn’t happened thoroughly. I don’t do portfolios well – I kinda tried to start them this year but I didn’t have a clear vision and hadn’t thought it through. I haven’t figured out how to grade work (like essays) in a timely but also thoroughly completed fashion (god, this one kills me). Writing workshop I’m willing to believe is a rockin’ way to go but I’m not sure how to incorporate it.

So what am I doing about those? Well, my PLC-mate this year (the other 8th grade Language Arts teacher) is a grammar rock star so I’m hopeful I’ll learn a lot from her. I’m also considering a couple of books I’ve heard good things about: Mechanically Inclined and Everyday Editing, both by Jeff Anderson – AND they tie to writing workshop, which would also be good! Portfolios, I’m reading about them online and may also purchase Power and Portfolios (recommended by a few people I respect). The grading one….yeah, that one messes with me. I’m kind of hoping it’ll become less of an issue (maybe?) after I figure out how to really do writing workshop – I’ve got Nancie Atwell’s In the Middle which I’ve skimmed, but I’m more excited about Katie Wood Ray’s Study Driven. I’ve started it and I love it so far, so I look forward to getting further into it.

Are there other areas in which I could get better instructionally? Heck yeah. But I feel like four goals is enough for the moment.

Anyone have any other suggestions for how I can improve in those particular areas? Thoughts, suggestions, anything would be helpful!

(Photo credit to idomusic2)