This is an issue I haven't had to deal with before.

Hey, look. I'm asking for advice again. Because apparently that's what I do these days.

So my friend Space Cadet and I have been emailing back and forth this summer - it counts for points for the Summer Literacy Challenge, since it's writing. :) Here's what he wrote in a recent email:

i dont know if its true but i have been told that my dad isnt really my dad! i really hope its not true or my whole life would pretty much be a lie!

My response was pretty much....huh? So I replied:

What do you mean, your dad isn't really your dad? When and how did you hear this?

And he said:

my half brother told me about a week ago that when he was coming down from canada with dad that they were talking about how my brother and sister were his kids and that my mother had me with another man and he got custody. very wierd stuff so im like an orphen or somthing lol great

(Don't judge the spelling and grammar - he's very bright, I just don't think he's focused on conventions in this. Anyway.)

I don't really know what to say back. All of this was in conjunction with other stuff, things about what he's doing this summer and books he's reading and the like....but I think this is really important to him because he did bring it up. And honestly, I can't imagine how this could not be important to a fourteen year old who doesn't get along super well with his dad anyway and whose mom died several years ago.

I think he needs to talk to his dad about this and not just take his brother's word for it, because, let's be honest here, kids lie to siblings all the time to make them feel bad. Flip side, if it is true, I think he has a right to know that.


But. Right now, he has no support system around as the family just moved about 30 miles away from where Space Cadet grew up to a small town to move in with dad's girlfriend. He has no friends there, he has no extended family around (though he didn't here either), and he's not in school right now so he doesn't even have any school support like a counselor. And that's a pretty intense thing to learn at any age, let alone as an adolescent - I can't imagine getting through that without anyone to talk to.



So what do I say? Do I recommend he talk to his dad about it right now? Do I recommend he wait till school starts to talk to his dad so that he has a counselor he can access at that point? Do I do something else that I'm not even thinking of right now? Help!

(Image credit to Stefan Baudy)

The weirdest thing a kid will ever say to me. (Knock on wood.)

What's the weirdest thing a kid has ever said to you?

I ask because on Friday, I had a student say something to me that I sincerely hope will be the weirdest thing any kid ever says. Anything much odder and my head will explode.

I have this kid. Actually, I don't - he's not mine, he's on the other core, he just comes to my room after school periodically because I have most of his friends. Anyway, a couple of days a week he usually stays after to "help" me with classroom chores. (He's part of Space Cadet's little helper core.) He's a little more consistent than the others, and a little less emotionally stable, as well as fairly....well, geeky for lack of a better word (he's super into role playing games, particularly Magic the Gathering, and fantasy books, he doesn't care about his clothes, he's not athletic).

Card Player and another student seem to have a rivalry for Space Cadet's friendship; I think if it weren't for Space Cadet, they wouldn't be friends at all. On Friday, Space Cadet was hanging out with the rival, so Card Player offered to stay and keep helping me. We were in the early hours of a big storm, so I wasn't convinced he should. "Are you sure, Card Player? It's getting pretty bad outside - I don't want you to have to walk home in the snow and dark."

"Yeah, I'll be okay. I can probably make it fine."

"Okay then, if you're sure." We kept sorting my classroom library.

After a bit, Card Player cleared his throat. "Ms. Teachin', are you married?"

"I am."

"Oh." Silence for a moment. "It's good I didn't ask you what I was going to ask you then."

Okay, honestly, my first thought was that he was going to ask me for a ride home. In retrospect, considering the actual words, perhaps that was somewhat short-sighted, but at the time, I was thinking about the weather. I figured if he asked, I could explain about the legality issues and what if I got in an accident and blah blah blah. "You can ask me."

"Uh...well...." He paused. Odd, but I kept sorting books. A minute later. "What I was going to ask you was....what I wanted to ask you was....what I was going to ask you was...."

And that's when I started to think maybe we were going somewhere else other than a ride home. Was he going to ask me what it's like to kiss someone? Was he going to ask me to go out with him? Oh god. "You know, you don't HAVE to ask me."

I'm not sure he even heard me.

He stammered his way through six or seven iterations of that phrase, getting redder and redder, until he finally finished. "What I was going to ask you was.....can I feel your boobs?"

!!!!!!!!!!!!!

How the FUCK do you answer something like that? WHAT do you say?

Somehow I stayed very calm and in control - externally at least. What I said: "No, you can't. And that was an incredibly inappropriate thing to say, to me or to anyone. I'm a teacher, and that would be both illegal and immoral, and I'm really uncomfortable with this conversation now."

"Okay, I'm sorry," he said miserably. "It's just my friends keep bothering me to ask you and I wanted them to stop ---"

HIS FRIENDS??????? FUUUUUUUUUCK.

"Okay, well, anyway, I'm going to need you to leave now, so have a great weekend and thanks for the help." Card Player slunk out and I double-timed it down to the office to report it to my principal (who was completely shocked, and then laughed and laughed).

It's still being dealt with - a behavior specialist and a variety of other school personnel are involved in trying to figure out the situation: why he said it (because the friends thing is just weird), is he likely to say anything similar to a student, appropriate consequences, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera.

And the story has spread, because how do you not tell a story like that? I don't really blame anyone who's passed it on. Responses have been a mix of horror, shock, and amusement, pretty much in equal parts. Pretty much mirroring my own reaction.

My favorite response, though, was from my husband. "Can't fault him for his taste," he said. Which I suppose is a good way to look at it. But please tell me I won't get much weirder than this?

(Image from CarbonNYC)

I want them all to visit.

After school today, three of my boys were hanging out in my room. They stay periodically to "help" me with whatever I need and I pay them in sodas and chips. Some days they do actually help; some days I shoo them out speedily.

One of the three is particularly attached to me. His mom died when he was little and his dad's not the most supportive, so I give him pencils as needed, read his personal writing and make encouraging noises, slip him granola bars when he's hungry. He's kind of a space cadet but he's sweet.

Today they were helping me reorganize my classroom library. Another "helper" had thoughtfully put all the books back into bins....but she'd combined them into as few bins as possible. So they no longer were categorized at all, and the library was pretty well useless. Thus we were pulling the books out to resort.

Space Cadet asked why I had so many books. "You should give them to the reading teachers," he said.

"Well, I'll be a reading teacher too soon," I answered.

Though I teach Language Arts, right now I focus primarily on writing, listening, and speaking; that will change with our kickin' new schedule. That the kids don't know about yet. Which I realized when Space Cadet said, "You will?"

So I immediately covered. "Yep, next year."

"Will that be here or at Local High School?"

"Here."

"Oh." He was quiet for a moment. "Well, I'll come visit you next year."

"I hope you do."

I hope I get to keep him with the change. I hope he can wait till next year to visit and doesn't have to start in January.

(Image credit to LizMarie. Ah, would that my classroom library were so organized....)