Too damn young.

A few weeks ago, I had lunch with one on my kids. She'd been pulled out of school VERY abruptly a month before the year ended (mom threw her out and she had to move in with dad who lives 20 miles away). She'd been pretty upset about it and we'd emailed semi-regularly. I had some of her work to give her and I wanted to make sure that she was okay, so I took her out to lunch.

We talked about this kid and that kid and her life and her future and various things....she's generally doing okay (though her life is far more chaotic than I'd ever before realized - but she's one of the most solid kids I know and I think she's going to be fine), so that was nice. Then with just a sentence, she made my head explode.

"Hey, you know Pretty Sweet Girl Who Always Has A Boyfriend? She was almost pregnant."

Aaaaah. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAH. THIS WAS NOT GOOD. "What do you mean, ALMOST pregnant?"

"Well, she was, but then....I guess she, like, lost it or something?"

"A miscarriage?"

"Yeah. So that was really scary - I was really upset when she told me."

Um, yeah. Because 8th graders should not be having sex. I know that's not a realistic thing to say, I know they are having sex, I know hormones make you stop thinking and do things you would never do if you were thinking clearly, I know kids have a tremendous need for acceptance and love and sometimes that's the only way they get it, and I know that abstinence-only education doesn't work for those reasons....but 8TH GRADERS SHOULD NOT BE HAVING SEX.

We'd made it all year with no pregnancies. Guess it couldn't last forever.

(Image credit to Paulina Sergeeva)

My least favorite sub yet.

Last week, I had a sub on a day when I was at a leadership team meeting. I had to go back to school after the meeting, and when I got there, I went straight to my desk to get the sub notes.

Except there weren't any.

"Huh," I thought. "Weird. Okay, must be in my box."

But they weren't there either. I even checked with the receptionist; no notes had been left. Puzzled, I went back to my classroom. Once there I found Drama King and Short Stuff. After we'd planned our Saturday meeting, I asked about the sub.

"Oh, he was cool! He let me watch the movie!" Drama King blurted.

"What?"

"He let me watch the movie after we did research."

"He didn't send you out to finish your project?"

"Nope, he said that you'd left a list of kids who couldn't watch and I knew I was on it, but he said that he didn't care and we could just all watch."

And I realized at that moment that I'd had one of THOSE subs. The ones who completely ignore all directions, do whatever they want, tell the kids that they know better....the ones who give the amazing, hardworking, put-upon, awesome subs a bad name.

The plans I'd left had been simple. Take the kids to the library to do research for a project we're in the middle of, pass out copies of a conventions editing agreement for memoirs, give them 20 minutes to work on said memoirs, and then show them the start of Freedom Writers (we're going to do another seminar in a couple of days - hopefully it goes as well as last year's). Not too complicated, really. And yet.

He took them to the library, but then read a book while they worked. When they got back, he didn't pass out the handout, didn't give them time to write (he apparently told them to finish it for homework), and let everyone watch the movie, INCLUDING the kids whose names had been specifically left as not being able to, either due to missing work or to a missing permission slip.

And that's where he crossed the line. Because I've had subs ignore lesson plans before, and I just don't have that person back to my room, but this dude actually ignored a district policy on permission slips for films. That's something that could come back on me, and I'm not having that. So I went to my AP and told her the deal, and we're filing a complaint with the sub office.

I guess it's too bad for him that my kids are generally honest with me, even if they know they messed up; I think they'd rather tell the truth than lie and possible get caught. And in this case, they knew they shouldn't have watched it, but that's not on them. That's on him.

At least he didn't kill a beloved class pet - that would've been worse.

(Image credit to Hoggheff aka Hank Ashby aka Mr. Freshtags)

Hell of a day.

I've figured it out.

The world likes me blogging.

I mean, it must. Because why else would I have a day like today if not to write about it?

When your day starts with one of your kids getting hit by a car and ends with a student peeing on your floor, there's gotta be some sort of higher meaning, right?

I'll begin at the beginning.

Grins came into my room this morning to hang out. He happened to be the only one in there, and we were chatting about this and that as I prepared for the day. Ninjas, his grades, why permanent markers are banned at school....and then he tossed in, "I got hit by a car this morning, Ms. Teachin'."

I looked at him. "What?"

"I got hit by a car."

"Hit. Like, actually hit. Like.....HIT. BY A CAR." He nodded. "Did it STOP????" Shook his head. "Did you report this????" Again, negative. Well, that was just great.

"Honey, I need to have you go to the nurse to get checked out ---"

"What??? No! I'm fine!"

I stopped him. "I hope you're fine, but I need to make sure. I wouldn't be able to live with myself if you had internal bleeding and died ---"

"Don't you think I would know if I had internal bleeding? I'm fine!"

"Grins, this is non-negotiable. I HAVE to report this. C'mon." We walked down to the office, he arguing with me the whole way, trying to talk me out of it, telling me that he was going to get in trouble, that his dad would think he was dumb, that he really was fiiiiiiine....

I felt terrible.

And how ridiculous that I feel terrible for reporting that a child got hit by a car that then drove away. But I do, because he was so upset.

So that colored the first hour or so of my day; this was right before first period, and I just felt so terrifically guilty about the whole thing that I was awfully quiet and serious during class (I know, because several kids asked me what was wrong). Eventually, though, I was able to put it out of my mind and refocus on teaching. And the rest of the day passed essentially uneventfully (though the Antagonizer did a surprisingly large amount of work - it was a pleasant change).

Then. After school.

One of my kids, Stephanie Meyer's Biggest Fan, had asked me if she could stay after. She was absent yesterday so I assumed she just wanted some time/space to do her work; we hadn't done anything new, just continued several ongoing projects so it didn't require any guidance and I was working on my own stuff. Another girl was in my room helping me with some clerical work; she likes to be useful and she likes to have personal attention, and so she volunteers with me once a week and we chat and she does this and that.

So all three of us were talking, and somehow Twilight came up (because it always does in conversations with SMBF), and I asked if they'd seen the Twilight/Buffy mashup (which, if you haven't, it's brilliant - go watch it immediately and revel in how much more badass and awesome Buffy is than creepy creepy Edward).

They hadn't, so we watched it, me sitting at my desk and the girls standing to the side. SMBF started moving oddly as she was watching - it kind of looked like the pee dance (you know the one) but I thought, hey, she's in 8th grade, it's after school, if she needs to go, she'll go.

Well, she did.

But not the way I would have hoped.

Suddenly I heard a distinctive splashing noise. I looked over and....yep. Yellow puddle forming. I said, "You can go to the bathroom...." because she was just standing there, peeing.

She said, "I can't."

What that meant, I got nothin' (maybe that she couldn't move right then?), but I was in shock, so I sat there for another 30 seconds or so while the video ended and she continued. Finally it finished and I said, "Why don't you go to the bathroom."

As she started out the door, SMBF stopped and said that her doctor had told her this might happen. And then she went. And I looked at the other student and said that I'd appreciate it if she wouldn't tell anyone, which she immediately agreed to, and then I went to find a custodian, and then to check on SMBF. She refused a pair of school dress-code sweats; she'd been wearing a skirt so she just took off her tights and said she was fine. She said this had started yesterday, and the doctor said to wait and see what happened; I suggested she have her parents call the school so all her teachers know that if she asks to go, she needs to go RIGHT THEN.

After she left, I emailed my AP, the counselor, and the school nurse because this was just so weird; it seems like something must be going on, medically or emotionally, for something like this to happen, and I'm certainly not equipped to deal with the situation. I will say that SMBF seemed remarkable unphased by the whole thing - at her age, I'd've been in tears, and calling my mom to insist on transferring schools immediately. I'll check in with her tomorrow after I get some guidance on what to say.

It was a hell of a day.

(Image credit to jomilo75)

'Sup, Reddit-heads? (That's probably not a real term.)

Back in November, I had what I felt was an odd experience. Something that could generally be considered to be out of the ordinary, something that wasn't really appropriate, something uncomfortable and hopefully not to be repeated. Commenters here and friends in my daily life were all horrified (and mildly entertained - because let's be honest, also kind of funny in an oh-my-god-did-that-REALLY-happen way). No one ever suggested that I should've ignored the situation. No one ever shrugged it off as a normal rite of passage. No one ever seemed surprised that I asked the student involved to leave.

Until two days ago.

Two days ago, I got two comments. Anonymous comments, of course, because why have the balls to leave your name and real email address when you can hide behind the secrecy of the internet? Yes, I'm anonymous too...sort of. But not in the same way, I don't think.

The comments haven't shown on the post because I manually approve comments that are added after a post has been up for four days, and frankly I haven't wanted to post these two. But the first said this:

Oh, the SHOCK, the HORROR, a kid feels an attraction for boobs!!! That's totally unheard of!

Be glad that he asked first, when I was a kid I never did, I'd just go ahead and feel the land it as if it was my property, and people wouldn't take it too seriously either, after all it was just a kid!

Regarding as to why the kid would think the answer would be different, well, when you're young and inexperienced those things don't hold that much value and every subject is as natural as any other (which is how it should be, but people like to complicate).

Really. Reeeeeeeeeeeally. Is that so, Anonymous Ass #1? You used to just go up to women and feel them up? If you're not a registered sex offender these days, I can only assume you've gotten real fucking lucky so far and it's just a matter of time.

Then came AA#2. Same day. #2 was less dickish, just...well, just stupid:

How is this weird? I'm sure you're not the first teacher to get that question, and he's not the only kid who ever asked. He's a kid damnit, kids get pushed into all kinds of stuff by their friends. I can't understand you asked him to leave. you should have had a talk with him instead so he would learn it was not ok.

Y'know, maybe I should've just let him stay. We could've sat down and had a cozy little tête-à-tête about the situation. And then in the end we could've both had a good laugh about the misunderstanding. Except, wait. I was ALONE AFTER SCHOOL WITH A FOURTEEN-YEAR-OLD BOY WHO'D JUST ASKED TO FEEL ME UP. (This is where I'd use that sarcasm mark if I had it, just in case my AAs don't get this either.)

And, uh, spend about 13 seconds Googling and you can find bazillions of examples of inappropriate student/teacher relationships. Weird how I didn't want to end up allegedly in one of them (again, sarcasm mark!). Homeboy learned it wasn't okay; I just wasn't the one to explain it to him because I needed to protect myself first.

I couldn't figure out why a three-month-old post was suddenly getting all kinds of attention. So I went to my trusty Google Analytics and found that on Saturday, 537 people had visited my site. FIVE. HUNDRED. AND. THIRTY. SEVEN.

WTF????

On a normal day, I get maybe 20 or 30 visits. On a good day, 50. Not 500.

Turns out my little post got picked up and posted by someone on reddit.com which I guess is a thing where people submit links they like and other people....go look at the links?

Anyway, a gentleman (I'm guessing....) named SputnikKore submitted mine. Interestingly, the consensus on Reddit is that I'm a wacky overreactor; so it goes, I guess. But to clarify.

It's not that I was surprised that a kid might THINK that; I'm not naive and I understand that boys think about sex with any number of people. It was that I was STUNNED that he would ASK that out loud. I kind of can't believe that I need to say that, that I need to explain that I had to have him leave to protect myself from the appearance of impropriety, and that it was most appropriate for someone other than me to finish the conversation with him about why it was not okay.

I always thought that most people get it, that they understand what teachers deal with and that they sympathize, and probably most people do. I'm going to assume that the handful of clueless Reddit commenters are in the minority. Anything else would be too depressing.

And it's good for me to remember that although I have a small following, it could grow. Anything I put out on the internet has the potential to get picked up and explode. This was just a small puff of smoke, but another time, I could have a crater blown into my semi-privacy.

(Image credit to sklathill)

Just stay out. How hard is that?

The weirdness continues. Card Player has been told that he is not allowed to have any contact with me. At all. Can't talk to me, can't come in my room, can't stand by the door, nada. Mi casa no esta su casa. Which I think is appropriate, particularly in a covering-myself-so-I-never-get-accused-of-anything-inappropriate way. Because this is gross.

Last Wednesday, he was lurking outside my door, waiting for a friend. Okay, not great, but at least he didn't come in.

Thursday he came in. Didn't talk to me, just to his friends, and I sent the whole group out as I had a meeting, but not cool. So I emailed the appropriate people to say, hey, this is happening, I don't think it's supposed to, can we make it stop?

Friday he showed up again. Again, I sent everyone out. This morning I went and tracked down the behavior specialist who's involved. She was surprised and annoyed, as she'd been the one to tell him to stay away. She assured me she'd remind him of the expectations. I thanked her and went on my merry way.....

....till he appeared AGAIN after school today. WTF, y'all, WTF? I was leaving to go run a club so I shooed everyone out but was stewing about it a little bit. The behavior specialist happened to drop by the club, so I told her. Oh, homeboy's in trouble now.

And for the first time in my life, I know what it's like to be stalked. Not like this is anything near as intense as what some people experience, but still, it's pretty dang creepy.

We have one more day before the Thanksgiving break. Here's hoping this kid stays away at least tomorrow so I don't have to deal with it yet again.

(Image credit to Richard.Fisher)

Un-blargh?

The Antagonizer did more work today than any day yet this year. He was generally polite, and mostly quiet. When I told him he couldn't do something, he argued momentarily, then got back to work.

Huh.

The weirdest thing a kid will ever say to me. (Knock on wood.)

What's the weirdest thing a kid has ever said to you?

I ask because on Friday, I had a student say something to me that I sincerely hope will be the weirdest thing any kid ever says. Anything much odder and my head will explode.

I have this kid. Actually, I don't - he's not mine, he's on the other core, he just comes to my room after school periodically because I have most of his friends. Anyway, a couple of days a week he usually stays after to "help" me with classroom chores. (He's part of Space Cadet's little helper core.) He's a little more consistent than the others, and a little less emotionally stable, as well as fairly....well, geeky for lack of a better word (he's super into role playing games, particularly Magic the Gathering, and fantasy books, he doesn't care about his clothes, he's not athletic).

Card Player and another student seem to have a rivalry for Space Cadet's friendship; I think if it weren't for Space Cadet, they wouldn't be friends at all. On Friday, Space Cadet was hanging out with the rival, so Card Player offered to stay and keep helping me. We were in the early hours of a big storm, so I wasn't convinced he should. "Are you sure, Card Player? It's getting pretty bad outside - I don't want you to have to walk home in the snow and dark."

"Yeah, I'll be okay. I can probably make it fine."

"Okay then, if you're sure." We kept sorting my classroom library.

After a bit, Card Player cleared his throat. "Ms. Teachin', are you married?"

"I am."

"Oh." Silence for a moment. "It's good I didn't ask you what I was going to ask you then."

Okay, honestly, my first thought was that he was going to ask me for a ride home. In retrospect, considering the actual words, perhaps that was somewhat short-sighted, but at the time, I was thinking about the weather. I figured if he asked, I could explain about the legality issues and what if I got in an accident and blah blah blah. "You can ask me."

"Uh...well...." He paused. Odd, but I kept sorting books. A minute later. "What I was going to ask you was....what I wanted to ask you was....what I was going to ask you was...."

And that's when I started to think maybe we were going somewhere else other than a ride home. Was he going to ask me what it's like to kiss someone? Was he going to ask me to go out with him? Oh god. "You know, you don't HAVE to ask me."

I'm not sure he even heard me.

He stammered his way through six or seven iterations of that phrase, getting redder and redder, until he finally finished. "What I was going to ask you was.....can I feel your boobs?"

!!!!!!!!!!!!!

How the FUCK do you answer something like that? WHAT do you say?

Somehow I stayed very calm and in control - externally at least. What I said: "No, you can't. And that was an incredibly inappropriate thing to say, to me or to anyone. I'm a teacher, and that would be both illegal and immoral, and I'm really uncomfortable with this conversation now."

"Okay, I'm sorry," he said miserably. "It's just my friends keep bothering me to ask you and I wanted them to stop ---"

HIS FRIENDS??????? FUUUUUUUUUCK.

"Okay, well, anyway, I'm going to need you to leave now, so have a great weekend and thanks for the help." Card Player slunk out and I double-timed it down to the office to report it to my principal (who was completely shocked, and then laughed and laughed).

It's still being dealt with - a behavior specialist and a variety of other school personnel are involved in trying to figure out the situation: why he said it (because the friends thing is just weird), is he likely to say anything similar to a student, appropriate consequences, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera.

And the story has spread, because how do you not tell a story like that? I don't really blame anyone who's passed it on. Responses have been a mix of horror, shock, and amusement, pretty much in equal parts. Pretty much mirroring my own reaction.

My favorite response, though, was from my husband. "Can't fault him for his taste," he said. Which I suppose is a good way to look at it. But please tell me I won't get much weirder than this?

(Image from CarbonNYC)

Shouldn't teachers be informed?

I need to know if I'm in the wrong here.

Today. Third period. One of my kids looks....off. His eyes look sunken, he's pale, his focus is odd, he just seems....weird (it's a medical term). I ask him if he's okay; he says yeah. I ask if he wants to go to the nurse; he says no. I ask if he's sure, just 'cause he's so much quieter than usual; again, no.

A few minutes into class, as they're doing their warmup, I go around to check homework. I get to Zombie Boy (he's weirdly obsessed with 'em), and he's breathing heavily, almost panting. That's it - I send him to the nurse and have a kid walk him down. As they leave, I call the office, just to give them a heads up.

A little later, the companion returns. I thank him for his help, and he announces to the class that the office said I should have had two students walk this kid down because he might have had a seizure. Um, what? Since when would I assume a kid would have a seizure? We usually aren't even asked to have another student walk a sick kid to the office - I just did it because it seemed sensible.

Later I'm in the office, so I mention it. The attendance clerk says she'd forgotten that Zombie Boy had a seizure disorder.

I'm floored. I never knew. I'm horrified at my ineptitude at reading the health concern list. I stammer something to that end, and rush back to my room to see what else I've forgotten about health issues.

I grab my list. I read it.

Then I read it again.

One more time.

Zombie Boy's not on there. At all. Um.....WHAT??????

I send an email saying I'd like an updated health concerns list to reflect this and asking if I'm missing any other medical issue information. I get a response saying that Zombie Boy currently is not diagnosed with a seizure disorder and that's why he's not on the list. He's not diagnosed with anything. THEN WHY WAS A STUDENT TOLD THAT I SHOULD HAVE SENT TWO STUDENTS IN CASE ZOMBIE BOY HAD A SEIZURE???????

Am I wrong to be (a) annoyed that I was told I'd screwed up, and (b) disturbed that a student's private medical information was shared with another student?

Because I am both. Deeply, deeply both.

ETA: Talked to my grade-level administrator today. She is in complete agreement with me and had already addressed the situation with the person involved; my grade-level admin brought the principal in on the conversation so that she was aware too. Probably the other person will now be all annoyed with me, but it's good to know that my school doesn't consider this acceptable behavior, and that it was just one person overstepping their authority, which has now been addressed. Thank you all for your support!

(Photo credit to dsasso)

How not to behave during parent/teacher conferences.

Mildly awkward: when a parent gets mad at their kid during parent/teacher conferences and starts lecturing the kid in front of you on the possible lifelong repercussions of their choices.

Ridiculously awkward and completely inappropriate: same situation, but SOMEONE ELSE'S KID. Complete with pulling up the pants leg to show bullet hole scars and saying that he'd smack his own kid's face if he ever talked like that.

Boy, Thursday night was fun.

(Photo credit to spaceamoeba.)