Memorial Day.

I'm a day late for a Memorial Day post, I know. It's a hard holiday to get your head around, I think - or at least that's what some posts seemed to say. Maybe it's just hard for the under 10 crowd. And me.

Let me be clear - I have the utmost respect for the men and women who serve in the Armed Forces. To be willing to give your life for your country? That's a remarkable commitment, and one that should certainly be respected and honored. I just worry that so many of our young people who join the military do so because....well, because they don't have a lot of other options.

I have a bunch of kids who want to join the Army or the Marines because they think it's cool to be a soldier, or because they like the idea of firing guns, or because it's a family tradition, or because they want the money for their education. I'm not sure they think about what they'd actually be fighting for and if they want to potentially give their lives for something they might not actually believe in. I'm not sure we want them to think about what they might have to give their lives for; as Jose points out, we don't spend too much time on it these days.

I want my kids to question the inequities in our society, I want them to push for answers and justice, I want them to see both the wonderful things about America and all our dirty laundry and decide for themselves that this is still how they want to fight for their country, if it is. I don't want them to do it because they're pushed into it by someone else or because they need the money or because they think it'll be like a video game.

On Thursday, Sweet Child o' Mine came by to help me clean and organize my room. We were talking about his future; although he really wants to play for the NFL (of course), he said he'd been thinking about the military as an option. I asked why, and he said it seemed cool and the money for college was good; he said he didn't know much else but his friend's brother had liked it. I said that a lot of great things can come out of military careers and that I'd help him look into it further if he wanted. He said okay. A minute later, he spoke again, his voice softer. "But what if I, like....die?"

That's the rub of it. I'm glad we honor the sacrifices our soldiers have made. I just want to be sure that they're fully aware of what they're committing to when they make that commitment, and that they believe in the choice they make. They deserve that.

(Image by The US Army)

Did NOT see this coming.

Sweet Child o' Mine came in after school today. He wanted to use a computer to play a game; I said he could once he finished a science lab that I've been holding for him. He hemmed and hawed a bit, then sat down and got to work. We chatted a bit as he worked and I graded. At one point, he said, "Do they have teachers like you at Local High School?"

"I'm sure they do," I replied.

"Because maybe you could just go teach there."

I told him I probably couldn't (honestly, I'm lucky to have a job next year), but that I really appreciated that and that I'd keep an eye on the job postings just in case. He nodded. A few minutes later, he asked, "So.....would it be okay if I came back once I'm in LHS and you could still help me with my homework sometimes?"

"Of course it would," I said.

I don't imagine he'll ever come back for that, not actually...but how sweet that he asked.

And even more - how amazing that he's planning on doing homework in high school.

(Image credit to laffy4k)

Better for everyone

I used my relationship with a student the other day to try to change his behavior in someone else's class.

It's the first time I've done this explicitly. Sure, I've talked to kids before to try to get them to change things, and sometimes it's worked and sometimes it hasn't. It's a bit of a sensitive issue for some teachers, because what it means is that I have a better relationship with that student than they do, and I know a few of my colleagues feel sort of bad about that, and I try to be careful with that. I go to other teachers for help when I know a kid who performs well for them is being a pain for me, but since relationships are one of my strong points, it doesn't happen with every teacher. And so I try to step in only if it's a kid I'm actively mentoring, or if a teacher requests the help.

This one was both. My pal Sweet Child o' Mine is hugely obnoxious in one of his electives. He doesn't like the class, he doesn't like the teacher, and it's the last period of the day so he's just kinda done anyway.

The teacher is in her first year. She tries really hard and she cares about the kids and their success, but she's new and she's struggling with her classroom management and her student interactions, and it's been a tough year for her.

A while ago, she asked me for help. I'm on my building's leadership team because I facilitate our PBS stuff, and she asked to come observe one of my classes and if I'd observe hers. She observed me and I observed her other 8th grade class and offered some thoughts, but I haven't done the one with SCoM yet.

Apparently Wednesday he was terrible. Rude, refused to work, disruptive to other students (with whom he is friends, but still). Thus Thursday he was supposed to go to her for detention. He went to my room instead.

She asked me if she could go get him (I was still in the cafeteria talking to a colleague) and I said of course.

It didn't go well.

When she told him to go, apparently he said, "When I'm finished eating." She doesn't have the power to compel him to go because he doesn't respect her, and I don't think she knew what to do, and she came back to the cafeteria practically in tears because of it. And I felt so bad for her.

I tried to help. Did she want me to send him down? No, because now she needed time to plan (and I think she didn't want to deal with him after that, for which I don't blame her). Did she want me to come down during his class and the three of us could talk? No...she wasn't sure if she'd have time when the other kids were working independently enough to step outside. Did she want me to come down at the end of the day and we could talk then? No to that too. She just needed some time to think. I said of course, and that's when I offered to use the relationship. I told her he wouldn't be coming to my room for lunch until his behavior improved in her class. She said okay, but I don't think she thought it would make a difference; nothing else has.

When I got back to my room, I pulled SCoM out to the hall. "SCoM, do you treat me with respect?" He said yeah. "Do you treat every teacher with respect?" Yeah again. I persisted. "Do you treat Ms. Elective with respect?"

"....Sometimes."

"Right. But not always. Did you treat her with respect when she came up just now?"

"I just asked if I could wait till I was finished eating."

"Did you ASK her or did you TELL her?"

He thought briefly. "I think I asked....I don't know."

"Should you have asked or should you have just gone?"

"...I should've gone."

"Yup." I looked at him. "SCoM, you like eating lunch in my room, right? You like that I help you with your work? You like that I give you snacks?" He nodded to each. "As of right now, all that's done. Because right now I don't respect YOU." SCoM looked surprised, but I continued. "I don't respect someone who would be as rude to another human being as you are to her. You treat her badly, and I don't want to be friends with someone who would do that to someone else. So until your behavior in her class changes to be the type of student I know you can be, you and I are not friends. Understood?" He nodded again. "Do you know what I'm talking about? Do you know the problems with your behavior and what you need to do differently?"

"Yeah. I know."

"Then do it." I went back into the room, feeling kind of terrible. I don't like doing this kind of stuff, but no other consequences seem to matter to him (including referrals, detentions, suspensions....), and maybe this one would. He shuffled back in after me. We had maybe a minute left before lunch was over. When the bell rang, I told him to go to class and not be late (he's also tardy to his classes all the time). He nodded, smiling. I added that I didn't think it was funny to be late all the time, and he protested that he didn't either, and stopped smiling. He left, and I went about my business for the next two hours.

After school, he came back to my room. "Ms. Teachin', I was good in class today."

"Really good or just a little better?"

"Really good."

"Okay, SCoM. I'm glad to hear that. I'll check in with Ms. Elective to see if that's true." I smiled at him, and he smiled back and left.

When I checked, it was true; she said that his behavior was enough better that she'd be happy if it was that way every day.

This gives me some ideas for how to change things at my school which I'm mulling over now; I'll post about them eventually. But for now, I'm just glad that the situation's better for everyone involved.

(Image credit to Eye of Einstein)

Doesn't matter if you're not TRYING to be rude...

Today's high was in the mid 70s. Everything's greening up and daffodils and crocuses are popping up all over the place. My local park is jammed after work; while I was running yesterday (week 1 day 3 of Couch to 5k - I can feel myself improving!), I saw two girls actually lying out in bikinis.

I have spring fever, and baaaaaad.

So last night I went and got my first pedicure of the season, and today I wore a cute new dress that I picked up in Beijing.

Now, I am not always the fanciest dressed teacher around. I wear jeans on our school pride days (because my school pride shirts are all pretty casual - hoodies and t-shirts and the like) and often one other day as well, and I wear a skirt maybe once every three or four weeks. Pants are easier when I end up sitting on the floor to conference with kids, y'know?

Thus I expected a few comments about my fancy-schmanciness today. And I got them.

Most were very positive.

"Ms. Teachin', you look so cute!"

"Ms. Teachin', that's such a pretty dress!"

"I love your outfit, Ms. Teachin'!"

Those were my girls. My boys were less sure what to say.

Sweet Child o' Mine went with, "Ms. Teachin's wearing a dress?"

Which I said was not the MOST complimentary thing I'd ever heard, so a friend of his countered with, "You look like a flower that's just....uh.....starting to.....uh......you look like a flower." I said that was better; this is a kid who said a few weeks ago that I'm like a second mom to him, so I thought it was a sweet effort.

My favorite, though, had to be the student who came up to me after class. He looked at me and said, "Ms. Teachin', I'm not trying to be rude, but that dress kind of makes you look pregnant."

Yep. JUST what you want to hear about your cute new and, yes, empire-waisted summer dress.

I pointed out that just because you're not trying to be rude doesn't mean you aren't still being it.

He nodded, and kept staring skeptically at my midriff. "I'm just saying that's what it looks like...."

"No, honey, I'm not pregnant. I'll keep you posted, though."

Just then one of my girls came in for the next class and gasped. "Oh, Ms. Teachin'! You look so nice today!"

I called to the boy, "THAT'S what you say, my friend. THAT'S what you tell someone."

I don't think the dress makes me look pregnant; I can see where he got that, and it's not the most body-flattering silhouette, but since I'm not looking to impress a bunch of teenagers with my figure, I'm good with that. I will say, though, I did go ask a friend for reassurance. She said I looked very cute and not to worry.

Might not wear that dress again to school, though.

(Image credit to housingworksauctions - my dress looks NOTHING like this one, except for a similar waist-line)

How to be a student: Part II

Yesterday I wrote about how confused I was with Sweet Child o' Mine and his inability to follow through and do the simplest things like completing classwork, and coming in to make up said incomplete work, and remembering for five minutes to walk back to the damn classroom and finish the freakin' work.

As I pondered, I had an epiphany. And maybe it's pretty minor as epiphanies go, and maybe it's something all of you already know....but it was new to me. Just a simple shift in thinking, and I feel like I understand a whole bunch of my students on a whole new level.

SCoM doesn't know how to be a student. He's years behind in it, and without intensive interventions, he may never catch up. Though he's in eighth grade, he's maybe a fifth grade level student.

I'm not talking academically, though he's behind there too because of this. I mean in knowing how to do homework. How to focus in class. How to ask for help when you don't understand something. How to remember when a teacher offers extra help. How to walk into the room at that time and sit down and get additional assistance. How to even know that you need additional assistance. How to know where your materials are. How to get to class on time. How to make choices about your studies. How to advocate for yourself when you feel a teacher has been unfair. Generally how to be a student.

It's linked to the responsibility issue I wrote about a while back, how I'd like to know what I should be able to expect kids to do at different grade levels from a responsibility perspective and not just academically. Because then if we did that, I'd be able to look at what SCoM can already do and what he's lacking and then I could say, okay, he needs to be retaught x, y, and z to get him closer to behaving the way a fourteen-year-old kid should behave in school.

I've been delighted this year in my move to eighth grade at how much more responsible the kids are; how much more likely they are to show up when they say they're going to, in particular. And of course they should be better at that than sixth graders since they're two years older. But just because you age two years chronologically doesn't mean you do the same in actual maturity, particularly if you don't have anyone at home supporting you in that process. Not all my kids have that.

We have to teach them how to do that. We have to teach them, over and over, explicitly, how to do these things. Why it matters.

We have to support them in their process of trying to improve, because if we don't, they won't. If they don't have help in getting better in these areas, they're not going to make the academic growth they should make either. And when a kid is reading at a fourth grade level in eighth grade, we don't shrug and say, "Well, he's old enough to know how - it's not my problem if he can't." Why would we do that for being a conscientious student?

I don't know what that looks like yet, not really, but I'm working on it. If you have any thoughts, I'd love to hear them; otherwise, I'll keep you posted.

(Image credit to bengrey)

How to be a student: Part I

On Wednesday at lunch, I had a student working in my room. He was one of mine before the change, but no more. A few weeks back, though, I offered to help him bring his grades up so he'd be eligible for basketball and he took me up on it. I was delighted, because he's a really sweet kid, but not much of a student.

Since then, Sweet Child o' Mine's been coming in every day at lunch to work. Which sounds great....but since I have ten or so other kids who come in just to hang out, and since he's super easily distracted, the work has gone slooooooooooowly.

But Thursday was the end of the trimester, and thus homeboy's last chance to finish this particular paper and avoid failing for the tri. Which I pointed out to him, and suggested he come after school to finish. He agreed, and trotted merrily off at the end of lunch.

After school came. SCoM came in with a friend who'd left his backpack in my room. I pointed out to SCoM that he was supposed to be writing, so he left his backpack and ran out to tell his mom he'd be home later, and then came back in to finish his paper. Which he did really a pretty solid job on, considering how much time he spends messing around in class rather than actually doing any work.

Except. That second part never happened. In fact, nothing after leaving his backpack happened. He just never came back. And, oh, was I pissed.

Thursday he trotted in to say hi. I told him we'd talk at lunch. He looked confused. I pointed to the backpack and asked him why it was still here. "Ohhhhh....I forgot to come back in."

"Yep. We'll talk later."

At lunch, I laid it out for him. I'd been working hard to help him, but I didn't see much return. He couldn't even be bothered to come back in to tell me he was leaving - why should I trust him? Why should I stand up for him to other teachers? Why should I have any faith in him at all?

SCoM looked crestfallen. He apologized profusely; he'd gotten out there and the gym teacher had challenged him to a game of one-on-one, and afterward he'd just forgotten and walked home. He was really sorry, he really appreciated the help I'd been giving him, he'd work hard today and would come after school too.

Okay, I shrugged. His choice. Show or don't, it was his call.

He showed. He worked. He got his paper done, and did a pretty damn good job on it, for him. And I couldn't understand why this was so hard. Why DC struggled so much last year to finish his classwork. Why so many of them just don't do the bare minimum of things that we as teachers expect. And then I realized something....

Which I will explain tomorrow.