I started drinking whiskey at around 4:30 today.
Yep, THAT kind of day.
Honestly, most of it was really good. Got observed yesterday and in the post-ob recap, my principal had nothing but good to say. Everything in class went well - kids were engaged, working hard, productive. I talked several kids into trying honors classes in high school (I feel that if they're willing to try, they should get the opportunity), and talked two others out of taking a remedial class (which they don't need, they just thought it sounded easy).
And then. Oh, and then.
Two of my favorite kids lied. Flat out. To my face. They swore to me that they were telling the truth - swore on our relationship (and I have a GOOD relationship with both of these boys - Motormouth is one of them). And it was all a lie. From one, to avoid getting in trouble. From the other, to avoid ratting out a friend.
I went to the AP investigating the situation to say that I believed them. That I trusted them. To ask her to investigate further. And she did...and then they finally 'fessed up.
I cried when I heard. I feel betrayed, though I know it's not really about me. But about the broken trust. And about the fact that these two would have been involved in this situation (which I won't get into, but suffice to say, court dates will be assigned). And...well, and I feel stupid. Naive. Shouldn't have trusted. Shouldn't have believed.
It makes me not want to get involved. Not track down kids who are failing. Not push them to succeed. Not open my room before and after school and at lunch for a safe space, for extra help, for conversation. Not care.
I believe that they are better than this. But I don't know how to help them if they don't believe it themselves.
(Image credit to tanakawho)